Cupcakes
by Iradai Lostrengo
Summary: In which Karkat Vantas is treated to the delicious, beautiful delicacy that is a cupcake, thanks to John


He reminded John of a puppy; like a really, really angry puppy. No, no, he was more of a cat, or a kicked kitten; careful and untrusting, hissing and swatting at John when the human offered him cupcake.

"Oh, come on Karkat!" the boy laughed, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose as he plopped down on the couch next to the alien, "I didn't think anyone could say no to cupcakes! My dad made then especially for this occasion!"

It was true. It was after the game; they had created a new world, the trolls and the humans, on a planet very much like the Earth John knew well. Even his home town was nearly exactly the same! Running home, tearing down the door to the house he knew was his own. There, waiting for him in the kitchen, was his father; alive and well, arms open to welcome back his son. John could still feel the tears prickling when he thought back to that moment; clinging to his dad and laughing despite himself.

That had been the first time he had met the trolls, as well. Formally, that is. Karkat and the others had been trolling him since he was old enough to go on the internet! For this reason John had decided to throw a Super-Mega-Awesome-Friendleader-Night-of-Awesomeness with his bropalhoncho; for a good natured cultural exchange!

They had started things out with good old Con Air; which, after all the adventuring John had been through, didn't seem quite as amazing anymore. He still yapped excitedly throughout the whole movie, though, hitting Karkat repeatedly on the arm in sheer excitement and joy when Nic Cage gave the bunny to Casey. He nearly even cried in the end, even though he knew all the words and exactly what was going to happen. Nic Cage was just _so cool_.

And still no smile from Karkat, who sat next to him the whole time, staring at the screen with sceptical eyes, and frowning every time John offered him a cupcake.

"Awh, c'mon Karkat, the night isn't complete unless you eat some of the snack food! Look you didn't even eat any of the popcorn!" He dragged his thumb through the sugary pink frosting, offering the dollop to the alien boy before sticking it in mouth after seeing Karkat's frown.

"I'm not eating your disgusting heated yellow husked plant offspring," Karkat sneered, leaning forward on his arms, "nor your _cupcake_ or whatever the fuck you call that repulsive pink mess you keep devouring. It looks like Feferi barfed on a piece of shit."

"It's just a strawberry-and-chocolate cupcake," John frowned. He turned to face the other boy, studying the way he scowled at the rolling credits of _Con Air_. He was so tense, all the time, and looked so _tired_. John had been tired, too; he had been away the whole game, aside from the times he had died, of course, and after his dad died...Karkat had seen his friend being murdered, and had to run for his life from becoming another victim! John couldn't imagine; even though they were all back and alive and well, if he had seen what Karkat had seen...he would be tired, too. But John had come home and let himself be happy again. It seemed like the troll wasn't letting himself enjoy the wonders of their new combined world, "Karkat, have you ever even _had_ a cupcake before?"

"Why do you care what dietary supplements I have or have not consumed?"

"I bet you haven't! I bet they don't even have cupcakes on Alternia!" John cried with what could only be described as glee. Karkat grimaced, "oh man! Karkat you have to try it!"

"Why. Why would I even _want_ to take even a small morsel of that hideous _thing_."

"It's practically a delicacy!"

"Egbert if that's what your people call a delicacy I will gladly climb into a catapult and hurl myself back up into the veil and stay there for an eternity."

"Awh, _Karkat_," John whined. Karkat responded by burying his head in his hands.

"Just play the next gog-damn movie, Egbert."

"Bluh!" John exhaled loudly, about to shove to his feet the change the movie. Then he had a good idea. Karkat may be pretty ferocious looking, what, with all his sharp edges and those horns—which, John would admit, were more adorable than scary; but John was still bigger than him. With an attempt at a battle cry, he jumped on the troll boy, armed with one delicious cupcake. Karkat screeched, but it was too late, by the time he could attempt to claw the human's eyes out, the dessert was already in his protein chute. He sputtered and flailed, trying to extricate the confectionary somehow out of his chitinous wind tunnel, when the unthinkable happened.

He swallowed.

And worse; it was delicious.

Oh god what was happening to him? _He was becoming soft and doughy like a human...and this cupcake._

"Get off me you nooksniffing buldgelicking _IMBECILE_!" Karkat roared, his face slightly turning red when John's knee came dangerously close to his bonebuldge. John was giggling the whole time, like some sort of retarded hyena. Karkat fought for the upper hand, rolling them around until he was on top, but also sufficiently entangled in the thing John called a 'blanket' earlier, and the other boy's limbs.

"Wasn't it delicious, Karkat?" John laughed, still sitting underneath Karkat, looking rather comfortable there. Karkat growled, otherwise he would have blushed, stumbling up onto his feet while wiping at his face with his sweater sleeve to get rid of the mess.

"Delicious isn't a way I would describe it, Egbert." He rasped. More like fucking amazing.

"Awh," John's face fell, and for a moment Karkat's heart fluttered with pity, "I really thought you'd like it! I'm sorry, Karkat. But I guess it's understandable; you guys eat, like, bugs or something, right? Grubs?"

"Grubs are baby trolls, Egbert."

"Oh. _Oh_."

"Whatever," Karkat rolled his eyes, plopping back down next to John, who was fighting his way out of the tightly-bound blanket, "let's just forget it happened at all, okay?"

He'd have to sneak into the human's kitchen that night and steal a few of these delicious, beautiful monstrosities later that night. As John popped the VCR tape of _Armageddon_, Karkat was already formulating a plan.

_Soon_.


End file.
